About me,
where me=Kalin KOZHUHAROV

Contents

• Why do I exist/live?
• What inspires me? (and why)
• What turns me down? (and why)
• What have I achieved? (in order of importance)
• What are my goals? (and why)
• About money, or in other words ...
• Now: Life without love
• Other questions I often get asked

Why do I exist/live?

because I do!

and you can live with me, or try to do something about it ;-)

to make good people happy

and to decide who is good and who is bad (for my own purposes)

to leave something good after me

because poor or rich, good or bad, no matter what, all men die; however some of their deeds remain after their death...

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What inspires me? (and why)

love

pure magic, the most powerful drug, the felling you know you have (or don't) ;-)

alpine climbing

simple, powerful, beautiful... one have to overcome all social, physical and mental problems and climb and survive

solving the unsolvable (or hard) problems

proves I can do anything = survive

beauty, simplicity around me

most Nature, beautiful people, some art

teaching and learning

improving myself and the environment

professional attitude, craftsmanship

this what I aim for in anything I do

(some) food

pizza, tiramisu, ube, cherries, BBQ... I recently started to feel my animal instincts better

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What turns me down? (and why)

making irrecoverable (at that time) mistakes

going far from perfect

unqualified "professionals"

everybody should know what is s/he doing

having to communicate with people who cannot communicate

plain PITA

badly designed systems, closed systems

when I have something (a system), I want to use it at least 120% and together with other systems

bad weather

hot and humid; drizzling; a thunderstorm is a good weather, or at least followed by such

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What have I achieved? (in order of importance)

found my soul-mate

the biggest "achievement" in my life!

indestructible mind at rest, backed up with lots of knowledge about the world

cannot prove it and its box (=body) is still vulnerable :-(

5 human and many computer languages

communicate, communicate, communicate - even with machines

can clearly and cleverly express any concept to anybody

communicate, communicate, am I repeating myself?

have wide and deep knowledge of Linux and the Open Source landscape

give me a Linux box with Internet and an IT problem and I'll solve it

in top 4 high school students in Chemistry in Bulgaria (28th IChO, Moscow 1996)

experimenting (even with explosives) is a challenge in its own right

finally arrived at "my job" - Information Security Consultant

all the three words have a deep meaning for me and my core values

[2009-03-01]: Well, I am temporarily focusing on digital forensics and laying the solid grounds for being what I want to be: Consultant.

managed the information security of the 4th biggest business unit (Japan) of the 278th ranked company in Fortune 1000, 2006 (Adecco); started as a Senior Manager in a Big4 firm (Deloitte) at 0x20 years old

some people tend to judge others by the job title and their salary; I don't use that scale, but I like the challenge to get noticed and valued by others

leader of a rescue squad (UASO)

That I call a true leader; you are given no plans, no info, no time; you have to survive, make sure your team survives, and still be able to help the victims; you make a small mistake and somebody (you?) die...

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What are my goals? (and why)

get an indestructible body

this is the box/shield for the mind and the soul; I need it to survive

find my soul-mate and have a pair of indestructible souls

souls are always forked in complementary pairs and a pair of souls is more stable than two single souls (yeah, Chemistry background)

[2009-01-05]: Found her!!! Now the easy part - working together

climb K2 and come back alive

The dream of my childhood; the reason I started climbing; probably the hardest mountain on Earth

become a well-known name in Information Security worldwide

so I can have better access to teach people more easily about good security

educate people about Linux and OSS, globalization and open standards

so people can appreciate the difference and feel more free in their choices

invent and find way to give away a portable thermonuclear fusion device

inventing it is one (easier) part; finding a way to distribute the knowledge without somebody abusing it is the ultimate challenge

found a new business for technical rescue (high rise buildings, mountain, sea, etc.)

because rescue is my "natural environment"

write a book about life, co-authored with my soul-mate; give talks about what it is to be happy and what to do to get there

I just want to make people happy

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About money, or in other words what other people seem to care (too much) about

What do I think about money?

Money is a man-made wall, 'cause people are trying to order a chaotic world.
Once you have a certain amount of money you are able to solve your issues, but you hit more difficult ones.
Most problems are not solved with money (even with a lot of money), yet few people are exposed to such problems in their "normal" life.
Money is an intricate drug that one gets dependent on with or without realizing; usually with inevitable adverse effects.

work=money?

I (almost) never work for money. I hope and am almost sure that I will never have to do it. I work (spend energy x time) to make people happy. Making (good) people happy makes me happy. If I work for money, sometimes I will make bad people happy; so I don't.

money=work?

Yes. Very simply put "work = energy * time", so even if you win the lottery, you have to do something to get to that point (not to mention the hard work of guarding yourself from "friends" after that). No pain - no gain! It is entirely up to me (you) to decide how I (you) work, how much I (you) work and more or less how much money I (you) get as a side effect. And never mistake activity for action!

Life without ... ?!?

money: entirely possible; hard, but may be happy

happiness: hard, hard, hard (if I have love, I am happy, so these are exclusive)

love: impossible, not in the long term at least (see below)

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Now: Life without love

You said you cannot live without love... but you haven't found your soul-mate... so you don't love anybody now? How can you live?

Correct. Now I am surviving on rapidly discharging batteries, trying to live in power-save mode. I can just hope this will not last for long...

[2009-01-05]: Back in love again, the strongest ever!

Power-save mode, couldn't you think of anything better?

OK, only if you are into SCUBA: I have been too deep into the blue abyss, even if just for short moment; now I am at my decompression stop, hoping that the air in my tank will be enough to safely resurface. If not - I can die, have a permanent brain damage, never want to dive again (in order of decreasing damage). I am alone - my buddy left me down there without much explanation and even made me wait for her, or at least it was my understanding of what she wanted to tell me (speaking under water does not work, anyway). And I see no ships with re-compression chambers in my vicinity (to try and save me after I resurface without decompression); no divers around me (to give me air until I can safely surface). Dark, and cold, my throat soar from the dry air, muscles crimping from the long going up and now trying to keep neutral buoyancy and not pop (and burst) like a bubble.

[2008-08-19]: I think I saw a ship! Going to the Himalayas!

[2008-11-01]: That ship went away... instead, going to the Alps for some serious climbing, then to Bulgaria for something special!

Why would anybody in the world want to dive, at least that deep?

If you've been there once, you WILL want to go there again. If I survive this time and find a buddy who wants to go with me, I am all in it. And I will be carrying an extra bottle or a rebreather next time and will set more alarms on the dive computer.

[2009-01-05]: I think I found a buddy, and she is actually a diver!

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Other questions I often get asked

Are you a freak/geek/crazy man?

Yes/yes/yes. In your eyes I am whatever I choose to be and I like it that way.

You often speak about love... Do you know what love is?

Yes, I have felt it. I have loved and have been loved, and both at the same time as well. Love is a feeling you will never mistake for something else; you know, no, you feel when it is there; you don't question it.
NEVER ask anybody "Do you love me?": if you don't feel it - the answer is no, anyway.

[2008-08-18]: Now that I have been thinking a lot about what happened, it may have just been my love reflected off the person I love... I guess I will never know...

[2009-08-10]: Now I can say I "know" what love is, what mutual love is. 2009 has turned so good that I am sometimes afraid it may turn out to be a sweet dream and I will wake up some time. But, no matter what, this is what I want.

OK, OK, but then what exactly is "LOVE"?

I told you - a felling, a special one. You cannot "understand it", at least I could not, so I gave up. I recently realized that love is (may be) the most powerful drug, so beware.

If you understand love - you cannot feel it; if you try to understand love - you'll kill it; feel it, live it, share it, express it

How can you be so confident in yourself and in everything you say/do?

I can. I am. I have to live up to my own expectations. Thank you for noticing, BTW ;-)

You have no right to judge people! Who do you think you are?

I have that right. You have the right to neglect my judgment or consider it. I am Kalin, I thought you knew me?

Why are you so obsessed with surviving? What bad do you think is going to happen?

Because I want to survive, because I have goals to achieve. The end of the world is coming, no matter if it will be global warming, black hole, earthquake or disease. When, I don't know. Look around yourself and think for yourself: what good has happened for the mankind in the last 20 years? (I don't remember much past that)
We are irreversibly changing our environment for the bad, yet we are highly dependent on it; Humans are not dependent on money, oil, weapons, politics, cars, IT, mobile phones, TV, game consoles... this is a long list... instead humans are only dependent on love/spirit, air, water, soil/food and sun/fire; yet are you prepared to live only on that?

Why do you hate smoking so much? Aren't you too aggressive to smokers?

Tobacco is a kind of socially accepted drug that smells really bad, I hate that smell and I do detect it in minute quantities. My head hurts, I feel bad, I fell tired from tobacco smoke. Smokers are generally weak people, drug addicts of a kind. I don't like weak people. Tobacco has enough adverse effects on the human body and mind, I don't believe in quitting, although I know a few people who did quit for real. I'll never get serious or even go out with a girl who smokes/had smoked or does not mind smoking (passive smoker). BTW, I have smoked one cigarette and this has been thoroughly photo-documented by non-believing people who knew me well.
I am never aggressive, especially to good people; or at least you haven't seen me being aggressive. I am persistent, firm, consistent.

What about drugs? Have you taken drugs? Is alcohol a drug as well?

Drugs are evil by definition. Alcohol can be a drug as well. Anything can be a drug if you are addicted to it and cannot exist without it (e.g. love). I have never been drunk, despite many people trying to get me there. I have never tried or wanted to try any real drugs. May be the adrenaline reaction is my drug - I often seek it, it is generally dangerous, can be lethal, I often realize I am addicted to living a dangerous/adventurous life; in the end, I am not perfect either.
As far as love=drug, I still have no solution, I may just have to try it again...

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